The Rescuer Always Wins

How do you find that restful peace when the world tilts upside down? How do you choose joy with the pointer finger poised and ready to "unfriend"? How do you push back the fear while tunneling back down to those life-pumping roots of faith?  After a pre-dawn text from my friend, the morning after the "big event", this message coming before the first sip of coffee, before the first creases of light slipped through the wood blinds, I knew I was undone. Groaning audibly, rolling over in bed, lungs reaching out for a bit of air, I feared the worst. Once I clicked the little round button, read her message, I yanked the covers over my head. Closed the eyes and fought back rising panic. Much like the rest of the world, a looming question mark hung above, dangling the unknown.

 But after a few days, the emotional tsunami subsided into a more resigned surrender of sorts, breaths coming out a bit less jagged, slightly less fierce. How can I step through this future without the faith? How can I take care of those around me, be present without judgment of their choice, their views? How can I find peace in the midst of this uncertainty, this unrest? After much elongated prayer and quiet time, after reading posts on Facebook, reading and watching the news, after talking with family and a few friends, I knew I needed rescue.

Today I glance out the kitchen window, see the divided sky, sun wrestling for position between the dark-bellied clouds, there's always a wrestling match between dark and light. I want to cast my vote for His light, his crowning yes on all that is good and true. So I am collecting the ransom money. To bring back my spirit, the inner peace, the faith in Him who works all things for good, and if I don't start collecting now, the emotional roller coaster wins, the fear wins, and all the "unfriending" will not feed the starving heart that feeds off Grace. The sun gained position, the sky brightens, glows even, and I think I might have a fighting chance.

The barista I saw yesterday, pain etched in her eyes, she said she was OK but her puffy eyes had something different to say. Pausing, forgetting about my coffee order I searched her face, leaned deeper into her sad, her not-OK state of being, she confessed her cancer stricken mom gave her the news the night before. My mind captured a picture of my daughter, I asked for her mom's name, I could pray. The creases around her eyes softened. Prayer wipes tears, kindness pushes back fear, a moment steeped in pause lifts the sad. That's ransom money! And my mind was free from "the big event" for a few moments!

The clouds have covered the sun, the afternoon sky now dimmed. And I think back to the barista, how her clouded face brightened a bit with the moment in pause, the sharing of pain always does that, especially when the light has grown dim, when the path ahead is dark and the unknown looming, the heart bruised a dark purple.

 It might take a little while to collect all that ransom money, but I cast my vote for His light. And if I reach down deeper in the pockets, hunt for the kindness and good, keep eyes focused on Grace, avoid the news for a bit, the newspaper too, maybe even Facebook, I can see a thinning of clouds on the horizon. A hint of peaceful, soul-filling light breaking through all the angst.

 The Rescuer always wins the wrestling match anyway.