How To Drown Your Fears

Did you ever have a wish so big it woke you in the inky dark night, the eyelids shutter wide open, breathless you are with awestruck wonder at the unspoken possibilities? Did you ever wonder if the ground you stand on, shaky legs and all, is harder and stronger than your toughest fear? Did you pause, ever so slightly, at a wisp of spring air caressing your scared self? And all humble now, tilting the chin upward, searching, still seeking. This knowing inside, it was more than a gentle breeze touching your scars, your hurts, this invisible hand massaging the pumping heart.

You unravel me, with a melody, till all my fears are gone...

Did you ever step into it once, just once? That unknown place where your footsteps now bear your name, your right size and shape, and the light is so bright the eyes need shielding from all that you couldn't see before. The light, your wish now magnified into glory. And you step again.

From my mother's womb you have chosen me...

And when my daughter and I gave each other identical scripture messages on Mother's day I wondered at his creativity, at his zillion different languages he speaks to us all trembling, toiling, spinning down here.

Is that it then? The secret to this waking up in the night all sweaty at the dream you had that right now seems whale-sized and sleep and rest sound better than walking into that uncomfortable fearless zone. The knees quake and my heart beats wild, anxious thoughts swirl over circumstances I can't control and I am still bolted to one of those hardwood tiny desks in a classroom, the ones that hide all that trembling going on. Re-learning over and over again how to live this life without all that fear. Choking on all that chalk dust. 

You split the sea so I could walk right through it...

Maybe laughter is the prescription needed to wipe the sweat from the brow, Xanax in non-pill form. I want to see more beautiful, to engulf myself in the dreams and burrow into victorious present, to step into that which waits patiently. And winging it above it all, laughing at the hard, the unknown, knowing that through it all down here, my daughter and I, we are always, always, wearing the right clothes for every single occasion.

My fears are drowned in perfect love...