How To Be You Bravely

She shared with me her various workout routines; step class, spinning, weights, elliptical and stationary arm machine. Sweat branded her upper lip. I have known this fellow gymmie for a number of years, a woman around my own age, another person sharing my affinity for fitness. I waited for the familiar patrolling groan, that inward voice intoning, you-need-to-try-harder, you-have-to-be-perfect-or-you-will-fail-fast. Studying this woman's face, I listened intently, nodding my head in encouragement. "I'm not competing, I'm not trying to build huge muscles. I do it to maintain good health," she added. My left foot cramped and low back shot tight. Smiling, I affirmed the good work she was doing, all the while I waited for that competitive inner shout to affix itself to those moments. To whine and complain of the injustice of it all, like after getting a super-bad haircut. As she stepped away I clicked on my iPod, readying to stretch, searching for a song to drown out that sure-to- surface nagging noise. The clock on the wall, it told me that minutes had passed since our conversation. A pregnant pause. Then it struck like a majestic blazing orange sunrise stretching wide across eastern horizon, kissing the bleary-eyed on morning commute. The voice was silent. Inaudible.Voiceless. Powerless. Punching the volume button higher on iPod, I began to hum along, sing even. And a song by Kutless, it played across across my mind same as the other day, winging a message from above, reminding me of the ugly beautiful, those circumstances which require me to muscle up all the thanks I can, in everything. "Even if the healing doesn't come, and life falls apart, and dreams are still undone, you are God, you are good, forever faithful one, even if the healing doesn't come..."

 I have asked a plethora of times for Him to remove my pain, to take away the hurt and limitations. To make me new again, undo what has been done. But perhaps in these recent years and moments, the unanswered questions and in this thing, He is in reality teaching me to Unlearn. To put on the Brave and create a new normal. Give thanks even in this. Wearing my Brave transfigures the ugly beautiful, unleashes supernatural power to transform the unbearable. Searching for the good when I would rather utter a grievance. A cocoon for hard life. So I unhinge an old thought, fight for the light, letting go of what this thing should be. Practice your brave. Listen for the silence. A new normal will find you, one courageous, crazy choice at a time.

~God does not allow pain, unless something new is being born.~