One More Step

 I opened the brown leather-bound journal, hand with pen poised, ready to mark new entry. Standing still, east wind whipping against windows, house rattling and leaves brushing against panes, I gave pause. My mind conjured events from the year past, a year filled with great sorrow coupled with pure joy and delight. Two dear friends left this world, friends and family gravely ill, I counted those too. Chronic pain that challenges, friends who hurt, grandchildren who get sick, I counted those along with. Title to a song arrived by text message, the lyrics supernaturally flying me way high to eastern sky, I-Pod I punched repeatedly, trust deepening, I counted this song too. Grandsons' silly faces, stuffed blue puppy carted around between tiny teeth, Elmo's Play-Hut, and granddaughter who leaves empty space in heart when I say good-bye. All written with pen and gratitude. The journal began as a dare and by year's end I started fresh with new book to count. Which is why my hand housing pen stilled in mid-air, and my ears attuned to wind and trees. I want to count to say thank you, I don't want to race across pages to reach new goal, I want to start over. To begin again. Not to win or gain, but to simply, humbly, keep on going. I closed eye-lids, blessings and graces flitting across my mind like a Zebra Swallowtail butterfly. E.M. Bounds once wrote: "The heart must have in it the grace of prayer to sing the praises of God." Opening my eyes to fresh new start, new year and heart that desires to step forward in praise, to sing in midst of it all, I began anew. #1: Psalm 46 v 10, #2: licking, roaring fire on New Year's day, #3: texting gloves, #4: east wind rattles windows, #5: Ann Voskamp reminds-forward. Don't look back, a farmer does not turn around to look at plow, he keeps moving forward, eyes focused on harvest ahead. The grace of prayer is in itself what keeps me stepping one more time, one more beginning, one more chance, moving forward, don't look back, eyes pinned to what lies ahead. All is grace. All is truly a gift.