Red Badge Of Courage

In the story, Red Badge Of Courage, Henry Fleming transforms from a fearful, doubting,  lost youth to a confident, duty-bound soldier. After abandoning a tattered soldier he resolves his guilt by using the memory of this act to keep himself humble. Through a series of events he converts his fear of the enemy into anger and becomes a leader, eventually assuming the role of color bearer for his regiment. I thought about this story, about courage, and my eyes conjured a kaleidoscope, colorful patterns reflected, light transforming all hues of bravery. And sometimes, like a jigsaw puzzle we  can't see the whole picture until each piece has been connected together. Choices and decisions weaving a tapestry of life, hardest ones producing blotches of sweat and ripples of fear, easier ones perhaps a swipe of brow.  I may not be a soldier, an airplane pilot or a scuba diver, I do not need to be any of these to use my best Lady Macbeth voice and "screw my courage to the sticking-place." I said good- bye to granddaughter after Thanksgiving, blinking back tears, praying for safe travel. Can this be courage? John Jay Chapman wrote: " Have plenty of courage. God is stronger than the devil. We are on the winning side." I like that. We are winners. Every day an opportunity to display fresh acts of bravery. Smile wide when hurt grows strong, discover hidden talents and use them. Host a dinner party when reading delicious book adorned in favorite pajamas sounds divine. Forgive someone, even if pebble of hurt is lodged in throat, not having made its way down to center of pain. Maybe it's really small acts of bravery that builds solid foundation to stand on when storms arise, like practicing for when it's needed the most. Deep down in core of the fear lies that golden nugget of truth, gift of joy, another layer peeled off, humbly drawing me in to blazing red beat of heart. I wanted to kidnap granddaughter, stow her away in pack-n-play, never kiss creamy cheek bye-bye. Instead, I pasted on brave face, leaned in for elfin kiss, fixed on badge of courage and screwed it to the sticking-place. Humble, brave, certainly color bearers my family and I. Our kisses good-bye, damp eyes and hugs, red badges flashing brightly, winners, winners, winners, most truly we are.