A Hope That Sings

The birthday present came in a UPS jacket, clear bubble-wrap to protect, maybe to disguise. Retrieving the gift from its unique packaging, I wondered at the surprise that lay in store. What could it be? It felt heavy, round. Once I laid eyes on the gift I knew immediately what giving thanks had taught me these past long, arduous months. "Thank you," I managed to tell my husband. Months back, a gray, bleak day in Portland, I found myself staring down Hope in the garden section at Fred Meyer's. My husband who was purchasing a new hose, stood at the cash register when Hope sandwiched me in; between violet pansies and redwood planters. Four jet-black letters etched in round stone, emerald-green hummingbird dressed in glittery sequins, pointy beak taking a drink from cherry-red flower. Hot tears sprang to eyes. I had bolted, darting past my husband, swiping the unexpected wetness from cheeks. Where is my hope? Pain is so hard! I feel sooo alone! Hiding the distress, trying my best to be OK, at trusting and  keeping faith, we drove home, husband with his purchase, me wrestling darkness to the floor-mat. My eyes dried. For days after, I thought about how much I wanted that stepping stone, how much I love hummingbirds, and how my own feeder remained chock-full of sweet nectar, eons since a bird sighting. Blaise Pascal said: "Instead of complaining that God has hidden himself, you should give him thanks for having revealed so much of himself." I spotted the same stone a few weeks ago, the one that ushered in one thousand graces and still counting. Checking the price tag, picking it up and cradling it my hands, I still could not bring myself to buy it, to let go and give an emphatic yes to Hope. Emily Dickenson encourages: "Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops--at all." I am thinking, by thanking him for all circumstances, for gifts, trials, even failures, courage steps up and paves a path towards Hope.  #1315 Hummingbird stepping stone, silently trilling... Hope does not disappoint, hope does not disappoint, never give up, never give up.