A Steep Climb

In The Prodigal Son, Henri Nouwen speaks of forgiveness as a stepping over. And sometimes a steep climb. It's not easy to forgive. It goes against our pride, our wounded hearts. It often seems impractical. I know I have a mini-Commando inside of me that wants to build a wall of defense and then embark a major assault on someone who has caused me pain. My mind can spin around like a child's toy, the colors of pain and fear colliding in whirling circles until all I end up with is this empty feeling of dejection. This past week I had an opportunity to forgive. I didn't want to. The situation caused my cheeks to burn, my heart raced, and my palms grew moist. All blaring signs that I had been hurt. My first inclination was to clam up, stew on the situation, nurse my wounds and wait for the scab to heal. Then the better side of me marched forward, or rather climbed over my pain. This voice nudged me toward a different path. I began to remember words from The Prodigal Son."Finally, it demands of me that I step over that wounded part of me that wants to stay in control and put a few conditions between me and the one whom I am asked to forgive." Thinking about his words made sense. Besides I didn't feel very good. My concentration suffered and my stomach started to hurt. I figured that God must be a genius to command us to forgive one another. Henry Nouwen also wrote, "But every time that I can step or climb over that wall, I enter the house where the Father dwells, and there touch my neighbor with genuine compassionate love." I think that forgiveness is just as much a need for our neighbor as it is for ourselves. It does not come easily, and often takes time. But the more we practice, the easier it is to step over our inner arguments and love compassionately.